Love

By Sarah Walker

I was beginning to explore what saying "Yes" to new experiences might really mean—creating new spaces in my life for branching out. I was done with isolation, wave after wave of grief after my husband's long illness and death, along with my mother's similar decline and death and as ready to move on from those painful memories.

Valentine's Day was coming and I had no idea what that would mean this time around. After all, the previous year I had arranged for a professional singer to come to our home and sing to us. My Funny Valentine" was poignant, even more so because my husband had dementia and would have just two more months to live, as it turned out. I was clueless—how would I get through February 14th on my own, after 25 years of being with my husband?

Shama appearing was a response to one of my big Yes's--I wanted a close friend or two who lived near me. She quickly became my kindred spirit, all-around creative muse and best friend. We spent a ton of time together and knew each other well. Still, she surprised me with this proposal: "Sara, let's go to dinner together on Valentine's Day. My friend Renee owns a french restaurant with gourmet food and it feels like being in France."

Yes! sounds wonderful, I blurted out, before I had time to think. It was a good thing too! I had spent this special day with my husband for the last 25 years and now he was gone. I was adrift and open. Shama was too. She had not been lucky in intimate loving relationships, despite her gift of forging deep friendships. We would be celebrating our platonic relationship in public on a stereotypical day for expressing romantic love. We were both good with doing that, including giving home-made Valentines to each other to express our gratitude and appreciation...love, actually.

Valentine's night arrived and we were ready for it--dressed up and bringing our homemade Valentines to the restaurant. We entered Cafe Provence, living up to its beautiful ambiance. The table, with red roses in a crystal vase, was ours for the entire evening. Renee, the cafe's owner and Shama's friend, greeted us warmly an relayed their mouth-watering specialties. By the time she took our order and wished us Bon Appetit, she had clearly conveyed she was seeing us as an intimate romantic couple.We didn't set her straight. Then we looked around and realized many of the tables had same-sex couples dining together.

I'll never know if it was the wine, the out-of-this-world food, the extra attention Renee gave us, or just
our giddy mood that did it. But we were totally tickled, playing our assumed roles as a couple madly in love We escalated into bursts of laughter as we started sharing our valentines.
What an evening, what a friend, what a life I was creating! The long dark times were being replaced by my choices and the love coming with them. On this special night and to this day, I was remembering and reviving our friendship, suffused in love.