Definitely NOT Your Picture-Perfect Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving!
Our local fire season has morphed into cooler, rainier weather and I'm filled with thanks. This year the smoke wasn't bad and we didn't have to evacuate due to fires, so I'll have even more to celebrate when the official holiday is here.
I've always had much to be grateful for, even during tough times, and I love Thanksgiving itself. My family growing up was exuberant and often chaotic. Celebrating this holiday was no exception.
We kept it to the six of us--my parents, three older brothers and me. Multiple televisions were turned on to watch football games non-stop. They stayed on until all the games were over and we were falling asleep from eating so much.
Norman Rockwell, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Mom and I were the chief cooks despite being challenged in the culinary arts. Every year Mom worried about why the old roaster was taking so long to cook the huge turkey. Somehow the white meat baked long enough to come out dry and the thighs were tough. No one complained when we finally got to eat. They appreciated Mom and me cooking and not pestering them to turn off the TV. We ate mostly from tray tables. Preoccupied as they were with football, they probably didn't notice much under the gravy.
This was our non-Norman-Rockwell* family tradition.
As an adult in my twenties, I found myself in a different country to celebrate Thanksgiving--Germany!
I had been traveling in Europe and found work as a maid on an American Army base near Munich. This was just another working day for the Germans. But I was ready to host my first holiday dinner for American friends and myself. I invited some of the other single women who were also maids to join me in my small apartment for a feast cooked by me.
Initially it did not go well.
I failed to get firm commitments and had no idea how many would be coming so I cooked a ton of food. When no one showed by the time I had indicated, I became concerned but was not deterred. Probably just running late, I thought. I kept cooking until everything was about ready. Then my worry went into overdrive, and rightfully so, since no one came!
What is worse than being disappointed? ....Devastated?
Whatever it was, I sure was feeling it. I called Liz, my supervisor, who was spending this day with her husband and two young children. I liked her a lot and felt close enough to share what happened. Immediately she invited me to join them for dinner. Was I grateful! I was lonely and needed their lively company more than anything else.
As we sat at their dining table I looked around at the spread of non-traditional foods, so different from what I had just cooked and left behind in my apartment. I enjoyed thoroughly her South Carolina soul-food cooking and filled up on collard greens, black-eyed peas, ham, biscuits and gravy and sweet potato pie. Now that was something special. They fed my soul in every way!
Fast forward to a few years ago, when my partner Patrick and I were now living in Oregon and preparing for another Thanksgiving feast. Patrick's son PJ and girlfriend Mindy had been living with us while they recovered from setbacks in their lives. They had just moved to an apartment nearby and were working hard to make a go of living on their own. It was their idea to bring a huge turkey for us to share during our dinner together.
There was just one hitch though. Not only was it raw, it was frozen solid and we were at 8:30 a.m. on Thanksgiving. Turns out, when you put an enormous frozen turkey in a refrigerator sitting outside in a cold climate, it doesn't begin to thaw in the two days you have. Who knew? Not them! They were from Florida. Nonetheless, they were proud to bring the turkey as their contribution to our dinner.
Kindness was called for. But kindness did not come with a speeded-up cooking technique--or did it?
My first thought was to run a nice hot bath for the bird, let it relax and soak while it took the chill off. With no other idea coming along, I went with that. As the water cooled, I drained it and replaced it with hot. Repeat. Would we get food poisoning? Where was the National Turkey Hotline's number when you needed it? Could we avoid middle-of-the-night toilet hugging sessions, if we didn't put the stuffing inside the turkey when we baked it? Who knew? It was exciting! No time to worry, we had many side dishes to make. Fortunately Mindy was a good home cook and I was a good assistant. We could do this!
I went out to our garage to bring in the potatoes and onions we kept out there during the cold time of the year. When I came back I saw three raucous people doubled up roaring with laughter, holding their sides and each other, cheeks hurting, but they could not stop. They were too far gone to let me in on it with their words. Mindy pointed to a shriveled-up avocado. It was cut in half and looked like nothing was left inside it. Scotch tape was keeping both shells together. She had found my secret stash, a tiny bit of avocado I thought still had a tablespoon or two of eating left inside.
From what they saw, a crazy person had slipped into the house and deposited this bit of nothing in our refrigerator. I couldn't help seeing myself through their eyes and busted out laughing. You do not get belly laughs like this every day!
There is a lot to be said for sharing Thanksgiving with people we love, no matter who or where.
Many years later, we still have one thing in common: We are all family when we accept each other with respect and kindness. In the United States, we have one holiday a year to remember and be grateful for our imperfectly perfect time together.
At the same time I like to keep this in mind: Beyond this holiday, we have all of the days to be accepting, respectful and kind--thankful for our lives and the world we are living in.
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*Most of us do not look like the family enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner in the famous picture Freedom from Want. It was painted by the American artist Norman Rockwell during World War II and famously memorialized in American culture through The Saturday Evening Post magazine.