What's The Plan Stan? The Purpose In Planning

It is Thanksgiving morning. I awoke at 4:30 a.m. Old habits are hard to break. I spent last night at my daughter Karey’s house and everyone else is still asleep. I sit alone in the the living room enjoying my freshly brewed coffee and following my usual morning routine, sitting and writing in my journal.

Memories of Thanksgivings past and times with family come flooding back into my consciousness. Today will be a large gathering of extended family some are blood and some are family by association. This execution of this day has not been by accident. A tip of the hat to my daughter Britt who is hosting the main event. I know as well my other girls Karey and Jenny have had a lot do with making this unfold in a very appealing way. I am their second mother. Their birth mother which whom I was well acquainted died just after Thanksgiving two years ago. Their dad passed two weeks ago and his funeral was Monday. So, as you might guess the holidays carry some weight of that emotional loss. There are so many traditions to carry forward that hold great meaning in their family and these girls take that responsibility to heart.

Because the purpose is not to put on a Thanksgiving feast. The purpose is the care and feeding of the family. I know from talking to the girls they are very clear about this. Anyone can put on a meal but the care of a the family has been taken on like a sacred mantle. They are clear and united in their endeavors. Part of the reason I am here is to care for their needs as well, mostly mental and emotional. It is a privilege.

I learned about creating Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holidays from my step-mom Ila. Karey and Jenny were part of that era I was in relationship with their dad for eight years when they were growing up and the girls carry some of this knowledge as well.

Some of you may have met my dad in the 1970’s when he was a student of The Prosperos. Dad was a management consultant and several times a year my dad would entertain his clients or friends in the community. My mom, Ila, was the master and the star of those shows. We didn’t hire people and have it catered, we catered it, myself included. Food, decorations, entertainment - we put it together and none of it was done by whim or fancy at the last moment. It was planned right down to the parsley garnish on the serving platters.

My dad had a large 40 acre property he named Karnak after the Temple of Karnak in Luxor, Egypt. It sat on the outskirts of Independence, Missouri. The large house built in the 1950’s was in disrepair when they purchased it. Wall paper peeling off the walls, but Ila soon had that in hand and turned it into a showcase. It went from a farm to an estate.

We would entertain two hundred to a thousand people at several events throughout the year. Five gatherings of his clients during the summer months and Christmas parties and New Years celebrations every year. Ila had a team of about 10 to 20 of us who had worked with her for years and knew the drill.

The morning of the big day around five A.M., Ila would sit with her coffee and pour over her notes, recipes and plans for the events. I learned this from her. Ila’s motto was that planning equals success. She had notes on what certain guests really liked and she enjoyed making sure that the little things were attended to. You should have seen the index card she had on Thane for his visits. She knew what a connoisseur of good food and entertaining Thane was and she always set out, not to impress him but to “care” for him when he came. Her purpose was always care of the guests. It was never about putting on a grand event. She made even the simplest of events feel grand because she focused on care.

Planning equals success. We use our intuition as part of the planning process, but never as an excuse to change something without reason or by whim. We use strategic thinking, critical thinking and even some straight thinking in the abstract to allow our intuition to inform us, but we create the plan.

The purpose is never the event, it is always about the people - for us in The Prosperos the people are our students. Classes, study groups and Assemblies are never about the event. They are always about the needs of the students. It is a large piece of our Fourth Way Tradition we carry forward in our school. As we also remember that self-care is also caring for others. There is no separation. We are one.